Tips & Tricks

Student Loans Suck

RIP to your student loans


Aspire won’t let you retire.

ESA say no way.

Navient they want every cent and PHEAA, they’ll bleed ya.

VSAC got them deep stacks, Maximus keep taxing us, Great Lakes-money earthquakes

And Sallie Mae-that cougar cray; hey.

Leave us alone.

We just wanted a loan.

Just leave us alone.

We wanted to leave home, we wanted to roam, embrace our chromosomes.

But here you are. You’re in the way.

You won’t even let us buy a home.

Now I heard ‘em say that education was the great equalizer.

Hmm…no Denzel to prevail when they told me that I called them liars.

See, student loans-they suck.

Everybody knows it’s bad luck but let’s go back to the start, okay.

Because they came for your heart.

They said: Dreams here. Dreams here.  We’ve got dreams for sale dear.  

Dreams for all you chillin…

And I’m like: Wait what are you selling?  

Well it’s not bankruptable.

It’s barely deductible.

It’s straight up robbery-not the first of its kind, Sean Connery.

Now Ramsay will get salty.

He’ll get all up in your feelings, but to me that’s not that sexy.

See it’s merely virtue signaling.  

Right, now Mr. Kiyosaki might relate it to real estate and Uncle Bernie might once again ask Congress to eliminate.

So what’s the debate?

Are they real?  Are they fake?  

Who’s to blame for this problem in the earthquake?

Well, here’s my Pirkei. I’m going to light my stogie and I’m about to drop a truth bomb bigger than that of Prince Harry.  

The student loan debt is a crisis.  

See they have the nerve to entice us, but that interest-it’s unrighteous.  

And now they all invite us and advise us and tell us bias and now look-we’re all divisive.  

And now we’re trying to rub two nickels together in the middle of a virus.

Okay so tell me what does it look like?  

We got 45 million people walking around in invisible chains.  

They all have a name. Most out just trying to maintain.

But 1.7 trillion dollars is what’s up for gain?  See, let me say that again.  1.7 man.

That’s a one, then a seven, then eleven zeros.

Okay, peep this.  My name’s Rob.  Who’s got that dinero?

Alright.  We get it.  We’ve heard your lyrics, okay.  But what’s your business?  

Okay, how do we solve these digits?

Well I’ve got a couple solutions for this pocket pollution.  If you can lend me your attention, breath woosah.  I’ll share the mission.

Get on a budget.  One that you won’t forget.  

Now it’s not restrictive. It’s permission so just trust it.

Pay more than the minimum.

Crash the boards like Sampson, Solomon, Rodman.  It’s just what smart people do adhominem.  

Make some sacrifices. Lose the damn vices.  

And if you can, try and cut some of them subscription licenses.


Use a snowball.  Build your confidence up and all.

Take it one step at a time and if you trust the process you will be fine.

Plan of attack.

Every pay raise you’re throwing at that, tax refunds, birthday gifts.  Hammer that balance like tap, tap, tap.  

Side hustle-make the cheddar. Yi Yi.  Entrepreneur.

And then when you pay it off just stop because wop-wop-wh-wop-wop, you drop it like it was hot.  

These are my top six moves even if your credit is low.  

If you can follow at least three it’ll hit quicker than an edible.  

If you follow none, like men’s leg hair, they don’t cut it.  

You will be a volunteer running drills for life that’s work to Pat Summitt.

See the sharpest of tools come out of my head just like a unicorn.  

So with these rhymes I hope to move you like my baby Harley’s Bjorn.  

And word to my brand. I’ll never be out here speaking ludicrous.  

See real talk.  

Those six I mentioned before got me to debtless.

The interest is running off in a mad hurry.  

These student loan companies are made off like Bernie.  

The next thing on my list is a paid off home so RIP to Bernie and RIP to your student loans.

If you’ve got debt, pay it off.  

If you’ve got shackles, shake them off.  

Taxes…HA!  Not at all.  I know a CPA.

Student loan debt. Mazel tov.

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